Friday, March 18, 2011

I never thought a box of chocolate could make me cry...

Today I cried, in fact as I sit here and write this I can still feel tears welling up in my eyes. Its funny the things that make one sad, or home sick.

Yesterday I smiled, I giggled, laughed and was so happy I thought I could fly, oh the things that take us home.

I know Im not making sense so let me explain, a bit about me I use to live in Japan, my dad is military and we were stationed there for two years. Its funny two years doesn't seem long, but it only took a month for it to become home. I graduated there, I went to prom there, I got hit on by this really cute Scottish guy there. I had some of the worst and best days of my adolescent life there, and I learned a lot about me and about Americans there. I learned a lot about love there not relationship wise, but in the way people interacted, in how people wanted to help each other on base. I found my voice there, and I found out how much nicer the Japanese people are in general compared to Americans. I could go on and on but I think you get my point, I loved my home, and I wish I could have stayed but like all good things it came to an end with me in the form of college, and thus having to move back to the USA. I'm not saying I don't love the US, I'm not anti-american by any means, I just missed home.

I have these spells where I get really home sick for Japan, and I was going through a bad one when the news started what has turned into days of stomach aching, nausea inducing sadness, fear, and worrying. It was everywhere, and as I learned more and more my heart ached for my friends, and people who I had come to call family who were still in Japan. We were lucky, we were out and part of my screamed "Thank the Lord High all Mighty!" and part of me hated myself for thinking of that and shook in terror at what might have happened to the people I had met and talked with, the nice shop owner in Harajuku who wanted to talk to me about baseball every time I stopped by, the cute Scottish guy who worked there. The woman at Tama Park who smiled at me sister and I and said hello when ever we went there on Saturdays. Suddenly I was seeing faces, hundreds and thousands of faces of people I had met, imagining all those people on the streets, even now writing this its starting to cause me to feel sick. That didn't even include my friends and their families, my teaches, the people I had worked for and with while living in Japan. I was able to track down most of them but there are several I will never know. Like those nice Japanese women I worked at the Jewelry counter with I know their first names but I never took time to remember their last names, where are they, or that guy who came on base during the friendship festival and showed me all the pictures of his children, is he ok are they ok? Its terrifying to think of..

Yesterday my BF's mother took me to a Japanese grocery store and I smiled walking up and down isles looking and Meiji, Quo, Yakisoba, and Gyoza I felt safe and at home. Seeing labels I could not read, candies that brought back memories I felt like I wasn't far away from my friends I may never hear from again, and I almost cried in joy, I wish I could have stayed longer, I wish I could have moved into a house across the street so I could shop there as I pleased but I couldn't.

Which brings me to today, today I cried, I opened up a box of chocolates I bought at the Japanese grocery store and I cried, broke down and let it all go, I never thought a box of chocolates could make me cry, but it did, it was like everything just hit me, my old home was going through something so horrid and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't save them, I could donate money but I didn't have much, so I cried and prayed, and cried some more, and now I'm writing this because I need to because if I don't get it out I don't know what Ill do. I may never know how those people I once knew are, or if they are even alive, and for that I'm angry, not at anyone but at myself, I should have kept in contact, there are so many methods, and I didn't. So instead I pray they made it and are ok, I pray God takes care of them, and of everyone, and I pray you my readers will remember life is short it ends too soon and before you know it you might be clinging to something dumb that reminds you of someone you loved and crying for no reason. Don't wait to cry tell them you love them make sure they know it don't let it become too late.

Thank you for reading this,


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